6 Tips to Make the Most of Introspection
"...I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. "
– Joan Didion
This week I had a Zoom reunion with my grad school cohort from American Conservatory Theater. I did the normal reunion crap I think most people do – put on makeup for about the third time in quarantine, got my camera angles right, and almost didn’t show up at the last minute. My fears were, in no order:
That I wouldn’t like my former self - reflected in their treatment of me
That they would ask me about the dreams or goals that have not materialized in this life
Luckily what I found instead was a pretty fricking cool group of people who were warm, grounded, hilarious, and kind. No one was interested in comparing. No one really rattled off their resume, but people shared – shared about their kids, their work, their art. We had some teachers in the Zoom room too, and the reunion evolved into a moment to deeply thank these teachers and repeat the lessons from decades ago – lessons that we have repeated as teachers ourselves, and lived as human beings.
I wish I’d had the magical wherewithal to inform my former self that life is not a competition, and that when comparison is removed from the recipe of friendship, the experience is so rich, and so sweet. But this is a lesson that had to be learned in real time. Things had to fall away. I had to stew in my introspection in order to find this sweetness of meeting others without foisting on them the obligation to tell me who I am. I had to learn to be myself.
As we are approaching month 11 of quarantine, I know that the days can get boring, and that like me you might be faced with your former self – “unannounced” as Joan Didion wrote – and I want to kindly suggest that you let her in. She didn’t suck, she wasn’t ignorant – she was just young. Maybe it’s time to take control back from the 7-year-old that wanted a church wedding or the 25-year-old that thought power was more important than kindness. These are examples, of course – it will take some introspection and space to allow your former self to emerge. Instead of avoiding it – I recommend it – if only so that you may kindly show her the door.
Here are some guidelines that are helping me in my extra introspective winter:
This kind of evolution thrives in silence. One moment isn’t going to define you, nor is one day watching Real Housewives or binging a car show (that one’s for my partner!). We have time now to turn off the devices – and you can do that at anytime. Really. They have off buttons for a reason. :)
Get in nature. Yes, a park will do, and I know they may be scarce in some places, but get there if you can – and if you can, walk there. In a pinch, spend time with an animal or tend to your plants – other species ground us too.
Write it out. Pick up a pen if you get stuck stewing. You don’t have to write the great American novel, either – just let the words flow, and if you find some sentiments that you’re ready to release, tear them up or burn them. Yes, burn them.
Emotions pass. Keep breathing, and wait till the storm passes. Introspection can be an emotive process, but there’s something on the other side of that story. If you get stuck in a nasty pattern, proceed immediately to #5.
Get on your mat. You knew I’d say that, right? “The issue is in the tissues” and truly processing the past requires moving blood and breath through the memories in your body.
Seek out the comfort of others. Yes, this seems counterintuitive for my lil’ introspection list, but humans are not made to always be alone. Enjoy your vision quest, and then come back to your pack.
I’m looking forward to seeing my pack in Prema Yoga Therapeutics Essentials soon! We have 3 spots for the 100-hour program, and plenty of spaces to take a shorter CE course if you’re watching your time/money budgets. The door is open! But registration is closing soon…
Email me if you need any special consideration. Let’s get you there.
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Dana Slamp is a yoga therapist and teacher who founded Prema Yoga Institute - New York’s premier IAYT-accredited yoga therapy school. She’s a frequent contributor to Yoga Journal and currently teaching live at PYI and on demand at YogaAnytime.com and Variis.
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